Ana, tells you her brave journey of healing with bullying and she shows that it’s okay to not be okay with her inspiring words of courage and encouragement. “Be the change the world needs,” - Ana Julia.
Hey guys! I'm Ana Julia! But you can call me Ana!
I am very grateful to Ellie for inviting me to write here!
I'd like to talk a little bit about a very serious subject, which is bullying, and I'll talk about my own experiences at school.
I'm 15 years old. I was born in Brazil, specifically in the city of São Paulo, in 2006. I started school like any other child, I played, studied and had friends. But everything changed when I started the first year of elementary school.
The moment I walked into that classroom, a boy had already started to tease me. I was always an overweight kid and that seemed to be the focus of the teasing and I didn't understand why.
But that first day of school was going to be longer than I thought, because the "jokes" extended to the school bus I used to go home. Everyone (literally) was making fun of my weight and it didn't stop there, because in the year 2014 I visited SeaWorld for the first time, I was very excited and wanted to talk about orcas to my friends, but people started saying things like: "you are going to marry an orca" or "you have the weight of an orca".
And that went on for 6 long years.
Starting in the sixth grade of elementary school, I started dealing with teasing from a group of people I thought were my friends and I didn't realize that this was not normal behaviour among a group of friends.
They made fun of my weight; they threw food scraps at me, saying they were "throwing garbage in the trash", they hid my lunch box and physically assaulted me. Among other things, I remember hiding in the bathroom once, to get away from it all.
My mother asked me to wait for that year to end so I could change schools, but I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to get out of there.
So, in the middle of the school year, I went to another school and it was the best three years (since I changed schools again to high school) of my life, the bullying was finally over.
But some things still haunted me, like the fact that when my mother went to transfer me, she read in the contract (from my previous school) that "the school was not responsible for bullying."
When you hand your kids over to any school, you expect them to be safe. I was shocked to realize that I wasn't safe at all.
What also made me feel very bad was knowing that the students blamed me for what had happened to me, saying that I was a coward for leaving school.
All these events left me very traumatized and I ended up developing an Anxiety Disorder, and to this day I have a hard time trusting people. I don't know if I'll ever get over what happened.
The symptoms of my anxiety are very varied and come and go.
Headaches, nausea, feelings of strangeness and mental exhaustion, too much sleep or insomnia, and two very peculiar symptoms: pulling out scabs and strands of hair, or rather, tufts of hair. Since I was little, I've had the habit of twirling my hair bangs with my index finger, but over time, I've literally started pulling out strands in large amounts while doing this. And I recently found out that this is actually a disease called 'Trichotillomania'.
Having Anxiety Disorder is definitely "killing a lion a day". It's living exhausted. It's facing every day the suspicious looks of people who think mental disorders are "freshness". And it's facing the disappointment of close people who don't understand "how can you be having a crisis if until yesterday you were great?"
For me, this is the worst situation in the world. Anyone who has never been through a crisis doesn't know what it feels like to swim, swim and die on the beach.
I've been through a few therapists and various types of therapy, and I was very reluctant to agree that I needed the help of medication. I've gone periods without any medication, but every time I went through a really bad crisis, I felt frustrated. At first, it seemed that the medication had no effect and it was useless to continue taking it.
I had uncontrollable crying spells and shortness of breath and nothing could calm me down.
I feel like a ticking time bomb about to go off, Tick, Tick, Tick...BOOM!
And to think that all of this was caused by people's cruelty makes me really scared.
I found out that kids are cruel in the worst way possible and that's not normal.
1 in 5 children thinks about suicide after experiencing bullying. And a study shows that 78% of victims suffer from anxiety problems, while 56% lose sleep.
Research, carried out in the United Kingdom, indicates that in the age group of 11 to 16 years, at least 17% of teenagers who are victims of bullying consider taking their own life to escape persecution. In addition, 78% stated that the problem causes anxiety and can make them lose sleep (56%).
The problem of bullying is very serious as it affects many aspects of a teenager's life, including mental health, academic performance and school attendance. This research indicates that 35% of victims of bullying began to miss classes and 20% had to change schools. Some children dropped out of school altogether and began to be educated at home. In Brazil, however, this practice is not allowed and students must be regularly enrolled in a public or private school.
According to the survey, 23% of adolescents believe that the school is not managing to control the problem.
I can say that there is an Ana from before bullying and an Ana from after bullying.
Ana Julia from before was happy, lively and liked to make friends. Ana Julia of now is a much more closed person, reserved and has a lot of difficulties meeting new people.
I never thought about suicide, I don't think I would have the courage to take my own life. But I sure fight every day to get over all this and try to get back to who I was, get back to being happy and free from those memories that don't leave me alone.
I've had to start over many times, I'm good at it. Anxiety requires you to reinvent yourself to overcome crises, but I can't say it's easy, so I try to do activities that distract me.
I've tried swimming, tennis, English, singing lessons, etc.
I didn't stay in any of them for a long time, but about 1 year ago, I started doing musical theatre. I've always been a big fan of theatre and classes are the only times where I avoid tangling my hair and pulling out thousands of strands.
Last year I presented my first musical, I played Martha Cox in High School Musical. It was really a completely different experience than I've ever had, it made me a completely different person and I feel like Martha gave me the strength to keep trying.
If you have more than 2 symptoms of Anxiety, seek medical help. Only a professional can assess your situation and tell you what the best treatment is.
And seek therapy, it is very important. A good professional can do wonders.
Do things that give you pleasure, activities that make you happy!
It's difficult, but ask your family for help. There is no reason to be ashamed of your feelings.
Asking for help doesn't make you weak, it makes you very strong for having the courage to speak the truth.
Remember, you have the right to walk away from toxic relationships that hurt you, it doesn't make you a coward, it just means you've been strong for a long time.
You are an amazing human being, we all have imperfections, you are not inferior to anyone for having Anxiety Disorder.
And most importantly, seek help if you are being bullied. This is no joke; bullying kills.
And parents, don't minimize the problem. The child needs to be heard. Parents should report bullying of children to a guardian at school to take action against the bullies.
Don't be afraid to live, I don't want what happened to me to happen to other people. You are so much more than what people think about you and you are definitely stronger than you think.
Everything will pass, get up, don't give up, be the change the world needs.
I really hope my text inspires you and helps you in some way, you are not alone, you will be found.
Ana Julia.
“Asking for help doesn't make you weak, it makes you very strong for having the courage to speak the truth.
You are an amazing human being, we all have imperfections, you are not inferior to anyone for having Anxiety Disorder. Don't give up, be the change the world needs,” - Ana Julia.
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